


Secret Thoughts

by LadyBuck112



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Cullen Fluff, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6660262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBuck112/pseuds/LadyBuck112
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen considers his feelings about the Inquisitor (prior to their first kiss).</p><p>These are his thoughts while taking a break on the battlements;</p><p>or its a letter he intended to give to her but balled it up and tossed it.</p><p>I couldn't decide... :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Your thoughts/comments are welcomed. Thanks for reading.

_Sometimes I doubt this…feeling. I know that people become infatuated with others. They become captivated with the prospect, the hope, or the dream of what could be._

_People become blinded by their emotions. Unable to see what really is, for the illusion before them is overpowering._

_I have been taught to have faith, yes, but to also seek truth. To not rely on feelings and emotions. And no matter how hard it has been, I have become a master at it. I have disciplined myself to see things for what it is. To do the things that need to be done, regardless of how I feel._

_But this…thing…_

::sigh::

_This thing that has blossomed inside of me…I can’t ignore it._

_Every time I see you, my heart begins to pound. I command myself to take a deep breath, to calm myself, pull myself together, but I still tremble. Those eyes, that are wise, kind, and mischievous. They enrapture me._

_You smiled at something I said the other day and my heart…I wish there was a better word… “fluttered”…at such a beautiful sight._

_You are…so beautiful. I know that you do not consider yourself to be. You joke about certain features…features that I find absolutely…stunning. I wish to reassure you, to let you know that you are perfect._

_Your eyes. Your nose. Your mouth. That lovely laugh. My breath is often taken._

_Maybe I am a fool. A foolish man that is hoping for something that could never be. Is it worth the risk? Could I truly risk losing your friendship, losing your trust, or your respect by telling you how I feel? Would you feel the same?_

_Many times I have considered what I would say to you when given the opportunity to tell you how I truly feel. I want to tell you. But, the words seem to never come out right. The words sound feeble in my mind. The words chosen are unable to accurately describe the picture displayed in my heart. In my soul._

_My mind is on you always. I try to work. I busy myself with training, reports, and troop plans. I am good at this game that I play within myself. ‘Let’s see how long you can keep your mind off of her’. I often fail._

_I think it must be true then: I am a fool._

::chuckle::

_Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I were to kiss you. How would your lips feel? Would things change between us? For good or for bad? Maker knows how much I want to kiss those sweet lips. How much I wish to hold you. Closely. To protect you._

_When you return from your travels, weary and worn, when you are hurting within due to witnessing the many lives lost in battle… from seeing the children who are now orphaned…remembering the final cries of the souls you could not save in time…_

_::Long Sigh::_

_I’d comfort you. I’d be silent, my arms around you, keeping you safe. I’d softly whisper that ‘Everything will be alright.’_

_I dream these things…these things that might not ever be. It isn’t right. You are the inquisitor and I am the commander. We have responsibilities. Roles to play. So I stay away. We keep things professional. As it should be._

_I have seen many things in my life. I have experienced much pain, heartache, hate, and evil. I have always put duty before everything else. I have vowed to give myself to the service of the Maker and now to this._

_Even with those things being true, I struggle with the temptation to be selfish. To ask for something for myself._

_I want you._

_Maybe I am just a fool. Hoping against hope. Dodging reality just for a moment. I have to face reality. The truth of what really is. My faults and failures and weaknesses are before me. Duty and honor my loyal companions._

_Therefore I am willing to be content just watching you. Dreaming of you and me being something more than…this._

_I will keep this to myself then. There’s no need to add pressures upon you. No need to burden or add stress. There’s no time for love._

_Love._

_It could simply be infatuation or the effects of lyrium withdrawal. But if love is more than a feeling, if love is the need and desire to be with you always and forever. To protect you, encourage you, and make you happy, then…I surrender to it._

_I’d surrender to the love that I have for you._

_For I am forever yours…_


End file.
